[31] No Acceptance at all! L.B. Chhetri

 

Cancer is more than a disease
It is like a ghost
That hovers and compels one
To  believe
That life is gone

With this knowledge,  we weep.
With this fear we wail
With these tears we sob

At the hospital
at home
together
…and  alone

We bargain
With Gods, Goddesses
and  even stones
Kept inside and outside temples.
Often  with ourselves
It is on record
Kings and ministers
Birendra, BP, and Manmohan
And the poet Jagdish
Every one has left.
No one is exempted
No one is immortal
Let’s accept the truth

It  is only a bargain
And not acceptance.

At times, I am depressed
I have breathing problems
I think of cancer
I have pain in my stomach
I doubt cancer…
I have a fever and a slight headache
I suspect cancer.
It is all fear.
Ah!  My brain is heavy
I have made my life wretched

I will not accept
I cannot accept
I don’t want to accept that
I will leave the world so early

God, answer me
What is this my fault?
Why should I leave
this beautiful Earth before my time?

I am not leaving.
I am not going
I am not escaping

No ! No ! No !

I have made up my mind now
No bargaining
No depression
No Acceptance
No ! No ! No !
No Acceptance at all.

This ghost will not haunt me.

(In memory of Jagdish Ghimire, a great literary figure and social worker in Nepal who died of Myeloma.)
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